Grrrrr...

I think, apart from the existence of people like Paris Hilton, what I hate most in this life is uncertainty. Which means, of course, that I hate most of this life, since life is uncertainty, as everyone from the Stoics to Stephen Hawking will tell you. And some uncertainty is good--as we all remember from that one cool episode of The Twilight Zone, a life where one knows the outcome of absolutely everything before it happens is, literally, Hell. But I just had a short chat with the chair (person, not inanimate object) who hired me, and he reminded me, in the kindest possible way--really a great guy, him--that while he thinks the department is lucky to have me and they'd love to keep me around, that I'm technically only a Visiting Professor and there are no guarantees and that while it's highly, highly probable that I'll be picked up for next year at least, that he can't assure me of that, and the decision really isn't in his hands, and they may decide just to do a full-blown job search and kick me to the curb at the end of it (well, he didn't say that, but trust me, that would be the outcome.) Which blows, because I really love this place, and it seems to love me--my students are lively and engaged and becoming more so with each day--they're getting ready to trust me and like me, which is all to the good, yes?--and everyone here has been, as I've said elsewhere, as lovely as can be. And to have the chance of losing all this--particularly after a gruelling cross-country move to get here--is just...chilling. Uncertainty. Not a good thing, here. Sigh...